Even by the butter.

Dear Landen,

 

Hello again sweet boy. I want to tell you a story. A story of the time that Jesus meet us by the butter.

 

First a little back history:

 

For the past couple of months or so, you have been having a form of panic attacks. They started before we got your ADHD diagnosis, come out of nowhere for various reasons and are very intense.

 

When they first started, it seemed important to address the behavior that seemed to cause the attack. However, that led to you revving up into a second attack and jumping into a 5 - alarm mode and it lasting even longer.

 

We have been seeing a play/behavioral therapist for a little while and last week when I visited her she gave me some tips on how to address these attacks. First of all, we use to call them "freak out moments", she labeled them "panic attacks". She informed me that I can not enter into your brain from the right side with logic when you are in the left side panicking.  Because for you, logic has flown our the window.

 

We had been doing this technique at home but yesterday we had to use it publicly, via Walmart.

 

You said a really hurtful thing to your momma while shopping and I asked you to apologize. You apologized and then had a panic attack. You started thrashing and screaming with huge tears and latched on to me. You didn't want to move, walk or ride in the buggy. You only wanted to go home. You were pretty upset with me.

 

How do I know these things? Because your momma decided to jump into the wrong side of your brain. I quickly realized I was doing it all wrong!  I was not helping you at all.

 

So, right were we were at, I got down on my knees and hugged you tight. I slowed my breathing and gave notice to how you were feeling, you were very upset with me and sad.

 

There we were in Walmart, by the butter. Mom on her knees holding her sweet, upset son. But most importantly we were not there alone. I felt Jesus there with us and I know you felt Him too.

 

There is no way that I could have done that without precious Jesus. In my own strength, I fail every time. But He shows up. Even by the butter.

 

For about 10 minutes people walked passed us. (Only one mom asked if you were ok.) In that moment, all my attention was on you. The people around me didn't even matter. When the panic attack was over, we got up and the only way I could get you to move was if we ran to the yogurt, then ran to the milk and to the next thing we needed and that is how we finished out trip.

 

We brushed off our knee, that one was over. We wait for the next one. This whole situation is scary for your momma (and daddy too), to see our baby in panic. Praying the whole way through. God knows we are in this. He brought us to this situation, and he will bring us through it.

 

Landen, what I have learned in the past week is that what is happening to you is not understood. By you or your dad and mom. Only the Lord knows. But just because we do not understand it does not make it important. We hope that these tips will eventually help you cope on your own. 

 

I tell you this story so that you may know that our journey is rocky. But because of Jesus it is made beautiful! So that one day you can look back and see just how God has worked in your life.  So that you can see how good He is.

 

Whenever, wherever you need me, I will always kneel down and wait with you. And you better believe that God will show up right beside us.

 

I love you to the moon and back sweet boy,

-Your momma

 

I heard this song again tonight and it brought tears to my eyes.

 

In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe you

Jesus You're more than a friend
And Jesus You're more than my heart
could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul

My heart longs to worship You my king
And I long to bring You a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You

Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart
Could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy, You bring joy to my soul

Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart
Could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul, You bring joy,

Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart
could ever express

 

By: Jeremy Riddle

Things not to forget.

Dear Landen,

This blog has been on my mind and there are some things that I do not want to forget about you sweet boy. You are now 4 years old, 62 pounds and just completely wonderful.

You love to tell us stories. If I ask you what you want to be when you grow up, you will go on for about 20 minutes about fighting fires and saving people, catching mean "catfish sharks" as big as the tallest buildings and wrestling alligators. I will go along with you and tell you how amazing your adult life will be but it may be difficult for me to visit with alligators and snakes and such in your house. But you reassure me that you will tape there mouths up before I come over. You do love your momma!

I love the way you tell us, "Good job for making this meal mom and dad". When usually it is dad that does the most cooking and he should be thanked first! Ha. I am getting better, I promise. Your favorite meal is steak and a baked potatoes with 'toppin's'. After you finish your food, we usually find you back in the kitchen gnawing on the left over steak like a chew bone! You are your father's son!

I never want to forget the way, you stop and say "hey guys, we forgot to pray" as we are eating. (And then you pray for us as a family.) That means so much to me, as your father is not a believer. It is difficult for me to initiate prayer, but easy for you. You are a precious soul and a gateway for you father into the kingdom.

In the past month you got diagnosed with ADHD. It is a diagnosis but not something that is going to stop us from living life the way we intend to, to the fullest. You are our boy and we love everything about you. The way you want to try new things. The way you love with every ounce of your being. The way you are curious and intrigued about new things. We will continue to embrace those traits in you.

I never want to forget the moments we spend together when you ask me to lay with you for a minute when you are going to bed. It truly is a special time for me. To wrap my mind and heart around it is impossible, my heart can't hold the amount of love I have for you. For me to slow down and just lay there, at the request of my son. It is MY pleasure babe, my pleasure.

I love the way you call me, "sugar bear momma". Sometimes you even call me "sugar momma" and I cant help but laugh. You tell me you "love me with everything". Your love is deep little man, and it shows.  My love for you is deep and I hope that you know that, forever and ever! No matter what.

You love to dance. You will dance anywhere. Restaurants. Home. It doesn't matter. If you want to dance, baby, you will dance and it is a breath of fresh air. Sometimes it may be embarrassing, but as your parents we need to learn to get over it! Its enduring. Baby, you keep dancing!

I ask you to "tell me something good about yourself" and at first you didn't understand what I was asking (I can't remember what you said, but it was funny). Now you say "I am special because of Jesus. I am tall. I am powerful because of Jesus. I am smart. I can draw. Each time I ask you tell me something good about yourself. I love having that moment to reinforce that you are who you are because of Jesus! You are special because of Him, not mom and dad!

Landen Kyne, you are a star. You are a child of God. Special and dearly loved. You have many talents. Your daddy and mommy love you so much and are your biggest fans. You remember who's you are and you will never fail because He will uphold you!

Now I am going to get off this computer and go "fish" with you!

Love you to the moon and back son,
You mom!
Miranda